Monday, October 26, 2009

October

On a clear October night she looked down at the town of San Isabel from her balcony. She wondered what the night had in store for her and the rest of the town. Looking down on the town she had called her own for many years, Evangeline watched and waited for something or someone.

Moments later Derik walked out of a horror movie on that clear October night. As he walked to his downtown apartment something made him look up at the old abandoned Castle. He couldn’t explain why he found himself drawn to the Castle. It was called the Clementine Castle. The rumor was that the daughter of Dr. Clementine haunted the castle, which was a favorite Halloween story of the town. However, the closer it got to Halloween the more the story felt real. Derik Thompson had grown up in a little larger town just north of San Isabel, in Colorado Springs. His life was normal enough, with a mother, a father, a brother, a sister and a dog named Smith. But, through this normality Derik dreamt of adventure and seeing the world. When Derik was twelve years old his family took a vacation in the summer to San Isabel. There Derik was instantly enthralled with Clementine Castle and the stories it held. So much so that even through all of Derik’s schooling he continuously was doing research on the castles myths. When he graduated with his PHD there was only one place Derik wished to go, San Isabel, to continue his work on Clementine Castle.

Derik’s apartment was neat and tidy, but in no way small or unfurnished. He lived on the top floor of a 5 story apartment complex with a wall of windows in the living room that looked out to see the magnificent castle reaching toward the sky at the top of a mountain. His living room was big with comfy couches, wood floors, a big plush rug and a fireplace that was always burning. The Kitchen was modest and of to the left from the living room. The bedroom and bathroom were large, situated also to the right but next to the kitchen. It had a great big king bed with more large windows that showed a view of the city. The bathroom had a large tub and separate shower, with huge counter and a big closet.

Most nights when Derik was finished with work or finished with his evening activity he would come home to his apartment alone. He would make a cup of coffee and sits down in his living room to stare at the castle and look over his research. When he slept Derik would dream of what the daughter of Dr. Clementine would look like in today’s society. He has seen old photographs of her and she was truly an enchanting woman to study. He dreamed that her hair would be long and auburn, the color of autumn. Her skin would be soft and ivory like a statue of a goddess. Hey eyes would be green like emeralds and her lips as red as rubies. Derik would wake up with that image of her in his mind morning after morning.

On the evening of October 25th, Derik was coming home from a local bar when he noticed that there was a letter taped to his door. The letter read:

To: Mr. Thompson

Hello, my name is Erik Damour. I am the current owner of the Clementine Castle and would like to invite you to a very exclusive action of the property. You are receiving the invitation based on the interest you have shown towards the property. The action will be October 30th, 7:00pm at The Clementine Castle. If you do not show up on time I will not be permitted to give you any more of my attention.

Sincerely

Erik Damour


After reading this letter Derik sank into the couch that faced the mountain and the Castle. This was it he thought, the moment that he had always waited for but never thought he would get. He was finally going to be able to go inside the Castle that had been a part of his like since his childhood.

The next five days were a complete blur. All Derik could think of was the Castle, more so than he ever had before. October 30th finally came, in the form of a bitter cold cloudy night. Derik did not even have to consider what he would wear to the Castle, after his shower he went to his closet and pulled out a nice pair of black shoes, black slacks, blood red button down shirt and a black leather jacket. At 5:30pm Derik went down to the garage and took off the cover of his jet black Aston Martin V12 Vanquish. He did not drive it very much but it was one of his favorite toys.

Derik knew that it was only going to take him an hour tops to get to the giant iron gate of the Clementine Castle, but he hated to be late and dared not to be for this. Derik slowed to a stop a couple feet from the giant black iron gate with stone walls protruding out from each side which surrounded the grounds. He was not sure if he should wait or get out to see if he could call someone or open the gate himself. At the same moment when Derik had decided to get out of his car the great gate opened to reveal a long driveway that circled right in front of the steps to a gorgeous castle. It took Derik a couple minutes to compose himself from feeling like he was going to jump out of his skin. As soon as he felt composed he drove through the gates and up in front of the stares. When his car came to a stop he got out and rounded his car. As soon as he got to the other side of his car he looked up to the two great wood doors to see a man standing just outside them. He came toward Derik with a brilliant smile. He was a decently tall man, the same height as himself, Derik thought. The man had sandy blond hair, wore nice black shoes, black jeans, and a blue button down shirt the color of sapphires. The man walked directly up to Derik and offered his hand.

Hello, you must be Derik Thompson, I am Erik Damour.

Taking Erik’s hand in his they exchanged greetings and small talk about the drive.

Why don’t you come join the rest of the group with me in the study Derik?
Where should I park my car?
Oh do not worry about it; Smith will take good care of it for you.


Turning only slightly to the left Derik notices that a man was standing only a couple feet away from them. How come he had not noticed him before? Smith was a small old man, probably around his 50’s, wearing dark jeans and a dark t-shirt. Derik gave smith the keys and followed Erik into the Castle.

Might I ask who we are joining?
Do not worry Derik, all will be revealed in good time.


The two men walked through the great wood doors into an entry way decorated in white with marble floors and a fantastic staircase that wound around to the right and the left. There were three hallways that went off from this main entry way, Derik fallowed Erik to the right down a white hallway and turned again to the left into a wood walled study. When they entered the study Derik noticed that the wall in front of him was all mirrors two stories tall, the other three walls held all books. More books than Derik had ever seen in a house. There were also three other individuals in the room besides himself and Erik. A middle aged man was sitting in a comfy arm chair facing the fireplace with a book in his lap, feverishly flipping the pages and had not even notices that we had come into the room. The other two individuals were younger women, most likely in there twenties. One of the women had black hair set off by a sapphire cocktail dress and black heels; the other had blond hair and was wearing a black cocktail dress that dipped incredible low so you could see the swell of her back. Derik stood in the doorway uncertain of were he was suppose to go. Erik crossed the room to the two women standing by the wall of windows and wrapped his arms around the women in the sapphire dress, kissing her lightly on the neck. Erik spoke quickly to the two women and the three of them moved over to the chairs by the fireplace, were the other man was sitting. He motioned to Derik to come over and take a seat.

Now that we are all here, Erik began; we can start with introductions and then take a tour of the house. To my left is Katrina Drake, Katrina is a novelist from Bolder. Next to her is John Henderson, John is a professor from Denver. Next to him is Derik Thompson, Derik is an entrepreneur from Colorado Springs but lives right here in San Isabel. Last but certainly not least, to my right is my wife, Amelia Damour, originally Amelia Clementine.

As soon as Erik said her last name Derik felt a power come about him that he did not recognize, a power that he quickly dismissed as heat from being to close or nervousness.

Now that we all know each other, let us take a tour of the house. Then we will come back here and discuss some business.

Erik and Amelia gracefully got up from there chairs and headed to the door, arm in arm. John followed almost on their heels. Derik motioned for Katrina to go next which she did without even a second glance. The tour consisted of seeing the kitchen, the dinning room, the ball room, the living room, and the four bedrooms upstairs. Erik and Amelia did not take them up to the four columns, were you can walk around the top of the castle, just lightly mentioned it. Derik wondered what was up there, and if Erik and Amelia were hiding anything. They all reconvened in the study next to the fire were champaign was waiting for them.

After they had all sat down next to the fire with their champaign glasses, Erik began to explain how this auction was going to pan out.

Since all of you are extraordinary individuals my wife and I have come to an agreement on how we are going to auction this property. We propose that the three of you along with Amelia and I will stay in the house for the weekend. By the end of the weekend Amelia and I will know the best decision to make on whom to give the property to. Do not feel like you must stay, if you do not feel comfortable with these terms you are free to leave whenever you would like. But may I caution you that if you do leave before Amelia and I have decided to whom the property should go to we will consider you uninterested in the property.

8 comments:

  1. Interesting story--I am not sure how I feel about being left hanging. I hope you will give a sequel or something so I can get the rest of the story, but great way to keep people interested and begging for more.

    It kind of threw me off that you didn't use quotation marks for the dialogue especially since you also put the letter ( which wasn't a dialogue) in italics as well.

    Also,how does Evangaline fit into the story? Since she is not referenced again, the first paragraph is a bit confusing.I am assuming that she is what the Erik and Amelia are hiding up the four columns.That is either something you could flush out or maybe that is what you intended to reveal in what would be the sequel or the rest of the story.

    I thought you were really descriptive about the house where Derik lived and that you could have also used that style of description on the castle, especially to hint at the mystery of what the couple might be hiding.

    Also, in the part where he arrives at the castle, rather than say he was feeling as if he was going to jump out of his skin, show how he felt ie goosebumps, increased heart rate, shallow breathing. Also, when he feels the power come on him, maybe describe the effect of the power on him.

    Another question I wondered was what is so important about the daughter that he dreams about her so often?

    I did enjoy the story, I was just uncomfortable with what I felt were many loose ends.

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  2. This was an interesting piece. I'm not sure I enjoyed the ending and as Emy says there were "many loose ends." I also found some grammatical errors. I liked the way the story could go and feel it has great potential.

    -kay

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  3. This piece is interesting. The ending leaves mistery. I interpreted the piece as a gothic fairytale. Were you tying the first and last paragraghs together by ending like that?

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  4. I like the loose ends, i think that's how life is in real life anyways.

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  5. Weird ending. I thought they were going to sprout fangs and start vamping the place up. Life is full of loose ends but unless Erik leaves right there, there is more story to be told.

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  6. Kate,
    from the start you grab the reader and throughout the paper with a lot of detail. i think that you probably need some more dialogue, with dialogue you can give off a lot of detail without actually telling it. at the end it was tied nicely back to the first part of the paper and thought that was a neat idea. good job.

    John Rutherford

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  7. I was a little confused in the beginning and I felt like you just left that hanging without much explanation. I felt like most of your chapters were left unexplained. Maybe you could include something in the end that ties it together? Or even a creative title?

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  8. This story is very creative and I like that it is almost fairytale like. I noticed a few grammatical errors that could be fixed easily with just some close proof-reading. This is small, but I found it strange that such a wondrous castle was just outside of Colorado Springs. I would put them in a scene that fits with castles and what not, not necessarily Colorado. In the paragraph where you described Derik's apartment, you used "big" and "large" to describe most of it. Maybe look more into describing other aspects of his belongings than just the size. Another thing I wondered was how Derik had the money to afford such an extravagant car?

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